Elect;John Elway, Staunch Supporter of the Pledge, Dead at 62

John Elway is dead. Number 7 will never walk onto the field in Denver again and demand that all kneeling players stand for the pledge or be fired.

Never again will he call the Pittsburgh Steelers and offer them advice on fining players millions for trying their kneeling stunts. John Elway, a rock of patriotism a mile high, has left to be with Jesus. He was 62.

Elway’s claim to fame was the pigeon walk, which looked ridiculous but seemed to get the job done of giving everyone a reason to poke fun at him. Elway was of the old-school quarterback mentality. He threw for a bazillion yards and ran for about 6. He couldn’t roll left to save his life. Or maybe that was Marino.

Elway leaves behind a family, which probably included a wife and some kids, possibly some brothers and sisters and maybe even a parent, if he’s lucky. We have no idea how old he really is, because, in all honesty, nobody cares.

God bless you, John Elway. We hope you’re playing an eternal game with the greats, and that Reggie White gets to sack you for all eternity. May the Fridge step on your head daily.

God bless America.

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