True;Putin : ‘I Will Only Speak With Donald Trump’

As the political world watches, Vladmir Putin is reinventing himself yet again, as a heroic villain, preparing to possibly go to war to ensure a peaceful Soviet Union on the rise. The Ukraine stands silent, all of it’s eyes concentrated on American President Joe Biden.

But Biden doesn’t seem to have either the desire or the gumption to deal with the insanely strong leader. Just last week, Putin used the press to call the President “An old and decrepit loser with great big giant ears”, while all the Yankee could do in response was fart sadly and beg for his momma.

And now, according to General Joe Barron of the former KGB and Spaetznas, Mr. Putin is refusing to deal with anyone other than former Great Leader, Donald John Trump.

“Meester Vladimir, our courageous and all-knowing leader, he weel only deal weeth Meester Donald Trump. Meester Trump, he say, ees like heem. Solitary, egoteestical, and reech. Eet ees heem or nothing. Dos vidanya, comerades.”

Upon hearing of the request, cable news network CNN leapt into action, because as we all know, 98% of any conservative’s complaint about the network is the “Russia Russia Russia hoax”, even though it was actual news, and not a hoax.

Will the current administration see reason and contact the Trumpster to help save the goddamn world? They better. There’s a whole slate of Marvel movies still lined up.

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