Sasha Obama’s biological father has come forward and is begging to finally meet his daughter. According to sources close to the Obama family, Sasha has known for a long time that the man existed, but he didn’t know she was his until recently.
The man, identified as Moad Shek mal Altawati Kalif, was born in Lisbon but spent his summers in France. He was on a class trip from Mozambique’s School for Gifted Children when he first met Michelle Obama in Chicago, while she was still a she.
They kept in touch over the years until they met again, in person, which is when Sasha was conceived. Our sources tell us that Michelle was unhappy with Barack, who said he wouldn’t be attracted to her until she became a him. They agreed that they needed another child, however, and Malia’s father was already gone.
Gone where, patriots? Nobody knows the answer to that question but Hillary Clinton. Rumor has it that he was taken to the dungeons of a pizza place in Piedmont, North Dakota where he still serves out a life sentence for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The Obama family hasn’t responded to requests for comment from our source. We’re told they’re being extremely uncooperative. “I’m a Door Dasher,” said one source, “they don’t like it when you ring the bell and ask them questions about their family lineage when they really just want their Moons over My Hammy.”
We’re not using that source anymore, as their driver rating dropped below 4.8, but the lady from Uber is supposed to have something for us by tomorrow.
Hang tight, p[atriots. As always, we’ll get to the bottom of this. Or not. God bless America.