Boom;NCAA Review Board Revokes Lia Thomas’ National Championship

The NCAA Women’s Sports Federal Review Board (WSFRB) has decided to revoke University of Pennsylvania swimmer Lia Thmas’ gold medal and national championship. Thomas, a biological male, swept through the championships leaving distraught women in her wake.

Thomas’ arrival on the swimming scene changed everything. One day she was swimming as a man and the next she was dominating as a woman. The only difference was her wig. She stunned crowds all season, never losing a race and setting a pool record every time she swam.

In the Nationals, Thomas competed in 12 events and won them all. Her performance in the 15,000 meter was the fastest of all time for men and more than three full minutes faster than any woman. Her win in the 500 beat the world record by nearly 40 seconds.

The review board took a look at the evidence and decided that Thomas was more suited for the male division and awarded him eighth place overall in the male championships.

The board isn’t sanctioned by the actual NCAA and none of its decisions hold any bearing on the official stats to Thomas’ career as a swimmer, but still. There will be a huge satirical asterisk on her file, and that’s never good for anyone’s career. Just ask Malia Obama.

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