Elect;Musk Sets Under 70 Age Limit For Twitter

As the newest owner of social media juggernaut Twitter, billionaire Elon Musk sets the rules now. For the second biggest platform with 330 million users, (As opposed to Facebook’s 3.5 billion, ooh, so close), the future ahead looks bright and censorship free.

Well, as long as you’re over the age of thirteen and under seventy that is.

Musk is an expert at buying companies, identifying their weak points, and then turning them around into cash cows. Well, he actually isn’t, but just stay with him here.

Calling out : “The young and uneducated and the old, moldy, infirm, and shockingly gullible,” Musk is finishing work on the BoomerDoomer algorithm, which will run on Twitter starting in May, and identify those users most friendly with the grim reaper. Twitter’s head of Queefs Sandy Batt explains.

“Old people are basically the problem here, and everywhere in America. I mean, let’s be frank. The things these morons believe. JFK Jr. and vaccine venom. ‘Serial killer’ Hillary Clinton and Muslim Obama. For Christ’s sake and for sanity, they’ll be expelled and forgotten about, as they should be.”

The biggest question following the announcement is “What will then happen to the 71% of the Senate, the President, and the former disgraced chubber Donald Trump?”

“They all go. They can scream out their car windows or have their aides write on Homestyle Buffet napkins for all Elon cares. They’re not part of the future. They’re antiques that belong in the past.”

Musk made the announcement this morning while chomping his way through a marijuana cookie the size of a manhole cover.

 

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