Elect;Arkansas DA Gets Court Order to Exhume a Body

District Attorney Joe Barron from Batt, Arkansas believes he has enough evidence to charge Hillary Clinton in the 1995 murder of Vince Foster. All he’s missing is the physical evidence he believes he can get from having Foster’s body exhumed. His wish was granted.

Judge Art Tubolls of the 4th Inter-Federal State Court of Arkansas signed an order allowing Barron to exhume Foster’s body from the Naval Cemetery in Fort Kensington, Virginia. Foster was laid to rest there less than four hours after he died, with only the Clintons’ personal physician on the death certificate.

Barron says he expects to find two bullets in the victim’s skull, or at least the entry and exit holes. Rumor has it that Foster’s “suicide” took a second bullet. Only his body can tell the tale.

A spokesman for the Clintons says the entire thing is absurd, that there is not and never has been any kind of actual investigation into Foster’s death, and for us to “grow up and get a life.” In an email, Chelsea Clinton was condescending yet pleasant, mentioned God no fewer than three times, and reminded us that Foster was a person with a family, and that maybe we should show some respect.

Chelsea is obviously new to ALLOD. We have little to no respect for anyone in the fictional world, and we’re darned proud of it. This reporter is now gonna go camp out at that grave and watch as they realize not only is he not buried there, he was cremated.

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