The beautiful wife of Ron DeSantis and First Lady of Florida Casey DeSantis is in critical condition today, after being rushed to Our Lady of Perpetual Undulation hospital last night.
Details of her condition are slim, but it appears the cancer diagnosis that she’d sidestepped last year returned with a vengeance, spiking directly from her diseased uterus and thighs up to her face. At two A.M., her pain was enormous and several ambulances had to be called.
Two paramedics reported seeing the ghost of Fonzie who hovers over the soon to be dead.
First responders and paramedics spent a half-hour unlocking Casey from her Chastity Cell as the governor looked on in dismay, and then unwrapped her from her head-to-toe anti-penetration suit. Her skin had become as transparent and shallow as an 80’s McDonald’s promotional glass.
Paramedic and part-time tissue saleswoman Sandy Batt says the situation appeared pretty dire.
“Casey had been cleared of her cancer diagnosis some time ago, but, clearly, it’s come back with a terrible vengeance. Like the paperboy in that movie ‘Better Off Dead.’ ‘Two dollars!’ Remember that? Yeah, anyway, she won’t last the night.”
Governor DeSantis allowed his wife to be partially un-handcuffed for the trip and was visibly upset during the procedure. He followed the lead ambulance to the hospital in his taxpayer funded Porsche.
“What happened is that her face has slipped downwards into her breast cavity,” Batt continued sadly. “Its only a matter of time now before she’s talking out of her ass like her sonofabitch prick husband.”