He’s been in the news quite a bit lately, with his very public spat against YouTube as well as his misgivings about Dr. Andrew Faucci. Well, kick that opthamalogist chair up another notch, because Rand Paul just got legal.

Federal court docket file number B-4U8URP describes the case that Paul is making against one Barack Hussain Obama, for what he sees as the crime of slovenly diplomatic action in Benghazi, Libya, as well as the usual misdemeanors of “being black”, and “far out doing Trump in the job.”
Paul contends that during the horrendous attack in Benghazi, Libya on September 11th, Obama failed to perform his duty as President of the United States and leap out of bed to teleport to the scene with arms full of weapons and bombs.

“If I were the President,” Paul stated while drooling Yoo Hoo all over his “Professor Zoom” pajamas, “I would have taken them down within seconds. I mean, the Americans would still be dead, but, you know, revenge. All that. Faucci is lying. He’s a shitty doctor.”

Paul, as a reminder, is an eye doctor who held high positions within the eye doctor credibility group that he started himself and is accredited by. He was also in a “NoZe” group in his Baptist college, which is what you join to officially be an asshole.

Sandy Batt of the Institute for Ignominious Mental Health says that the Senator should be pitied and ignored.

“I think he was okay for some time, believing that he was a real doctor and such for awhile. But then he snapped and now he’s crying about DirectTv and YouTube because he can’t lie on them. He’s a wackadoodle.”

It probably all started right about when his dad almost got impregnated by Borat.

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